Wyatt


I didn't think I would ever write this post, for more than one reason. One, I didn't even think I would lose a child, that Mark and I would lose a child. (not that anyone ever does) Then after losing a child I didn't think I would ever be able to write about their "birth story." Finally, the other day I decided this "birth story" was not only the worst day of my life but also the best...so why would I not want to document the birth of our children? I worked on this for a long time, I decided not to post pictures though. I have the images in my mind. They will be. there. f-o-r-e-v-e-r. We have a few prints in a special place but I think words are enough for this post.
When I reflect back on the day the boys were born it was not the typical emotions a mom usually feels.  For me, the day I met my Wyatt and Ryder was not filled with the normal emotions. We can't go back and change that day. It is and will forever be "our story."

A little background....
October 2009
I was 4 days "late." (sorry if tmi) Mark and I had recently come up with "our plan." Settled and both agreed we we were going to wait to have children until he was almost out of school. Well....like the title of the book states..."We plan, God laughs." I thought to begin trying to figure out what was going on I needed to weed of the possibility of pregnancy. We were running to Target that night so while we were out we just grabbed a pregnancy test. When we got home I took the tests test. The rest is history....

5.29.10
It was a Saturday. Mark and I worked outside cleaning up our yard a bit. It was a warm day too! A friend of mine was getting married. The wedding was in St.Louis, kind of. It was about an hour from our house. We attended the wedding that afternoon. I felt nothing out of the ordinary..I mean I was HUGE at this point.

(I know, I can't believe I posted this picture but words CANNOT DESCRIBE.This was at 34 1/2 weeks.)
I was 35 weeks 6 days. We didn't go to the reception so after the wedding we grabbed a bite to each with our friends, Malerie and Brent. (Mexican might I add) After dinner we went back home.
I went to sleep that night just like I had been for almost 9 months, on my side with 2 pillows. One pillow to hold up my GIGANTIC belly and the other between my legs. I woke up around 1a.m. with back pain. I didn't really have back pain throughout my pregnancy ( I owe it all to being adjusted MY ENTIRE pregnancy. I mean who can gain over 50 blah pounds, carry twins for 36 weeks and not have back pain...ok..off my soap box there.) so I knew something wasn't right. Last time I went to the Dr. I was dilated to about a 1 1/2 and was 80% effaced(sp?). My Dr. told me once I had 6 contractions an hour to come in. I started counting. I had 6 in 33 minutes. During this time I tried to wake Mark twice and he was still not all the way awake. When the 7th contraction came I REALLY tried to wake him. Finally he was listening to what I was saying...so we decided to pack up and head to the hospital. It was around 2 a.m. at this point. On the way to the hospital we called our parents and Mark's brother. We got checked in and settled at the hospital. The nurses immediately started trying to find the babies heartbeats using the monitors on the outside of my belly. The boys heart rates we always REALLY close so it was hard to find both. This went on for at least an hour. My Dr. just left the building for home...5 deliveries that night he needed to get some sleep. The on-call Dr. attempted to find the heartbeats. She finally decided to just bring in the ultrasound to be able to see where/how they were laying to try to locate the heartbeats. I was still have contractions at this point and they weren't really hurting but were uncomfortable for sure. While looking at the screen she was struggling trying to find one of the babies...she stated she finally found it but that they were laying right on top of each other so she didn't know if she could get both with the outside monitors. At this point they decided to check and see if I was dilated or if they were going to send me home. I was about 4 cm and 90% effaced. I was staying!!! When they called my Dr. he said he was on his way up and they were going to break my water so they could put an internal monitor on one of the boys to be able to watch things a bit closer. The nurses were kinda going crazy at this point because I still didn't even have an IV in yet. When my Dr. arrived he broke my water...which WAS NOT EASY. It took a LONG time, when it finally happened it took FOREVER to stop. (sorry about tmi) My Dr. then began trying to hook up the internal fetal monitor. He tried and tried. After a while of trying he decided to do an ultrasound himself. During this ultrasound there was tension. It grew....until finally our Dr. said we need to go ahead and deliver by c-section! It was just like that my world was turned upside down. I remember Mark praying aloud and me being wheeled off.....I was rushed into the OR. Inside there was lots of nurses, many Dr. came running in and I remember asking for Mark. They began prepping me for surgery. I was completely put under, Mark was not allowed in the room. I was finished in less than 6 mins. There was no magical moment, no "holding the baby," seeing Wyatt...hearing Wyatt, looking at Mark. We had none of that. I was all the way put to sleep and Mark was kept outside the room. (that situation puts a whole new meaning to emergency c-section)

When I awoke I was in a room with Mark, the Dr. and my 2 precious boys. Mark looked at me, a look I will NEVER forget and said "Ryder didn't make it." Ryder's cord was wrapped around his neck. Mark was holding both our boys but one was already sitting on Jesus's lap. While I was put under I was given drugs to help me stay calm in this situation. It hurts my chest to even type this. Words don't even describe the feeling. There was already LOTS of family there. Mark was the one who had to share the news. What a tough job. My sister called some friends and also explained the situation so we would not have to continue to tell the story. I held him....Ryder was EXACTLY like Wyatt, a little smaller but identical.

I wish that day we would have spent some more time as a family, a family of 4 here on Earth but we didn't. I can't go back...I will cling tight to the time we spent together.

When I saw Wyatt for the first time...oh...again no words to even describe the feeling. It was really hard to have emotion, I was so numb. It wasn't the "normal" first time mommy holding her child. I look/looked at him and see Ryder then and still now. He was so precious. (and still is...!!!) The delivery was so fast  Wyatt's neck was cut and he had to have plastic surgery within a few hours of his birth. What a tough boy!!!

The next few days were so hard. We cried a lot. Smiled and laughed a lot too! There were so many emotions. We had tons of visitors. There were and still are so many people praying for us. I know this birth story was written even before we experienced it. God knows what he is doing, for some reason he gave this to Mark and I. He doesn't give us something we can't handle...that's what I keep telling myself over and over and over again. Boy, he must thing we are strong!

I know this post is SO SO long but I don't want to draw it out in multiple ones. It was hard to write...

Mark and I came home on Wednesday and spent time as a family. We cleaned out and reorganized the nursery...really hard to do. Lots of tears. I remember I kept thinking about how this was "supposed" to be...bringing your first child home from the hospital....it's such a joy.

Then Saturday, June 5...will forever be one of the worst days of my life. Mark and I buried our child. The same man who married us did the service. He did a great job. We kept the funeral small, just immediate family was there.

We have enjoyed Wyatt so much. I can't imagine what our life would be like without him. He is such a joy! What a birth story right?!?!? We continue to stay focused on the Lord. We know this is his plan. He knew this before we even knew we were expecting! Some days are harder than others be we have the Lord to lean on in hard times (and the good time too!). I thank him daily for Wyatt, an amazing husband, and supporting family. It's times like these you either choose to grow closer or let something tear you apart. Mark and I have chosen as a couple to grow stronger. We lean on each other and rely on God as our backbone.

We have realized this isn't something you "get through." It will be here forever, sometimes that's harder to swallow than others. It will never go away. Time and the Lord will heal our pain.

We look at Wyatt and can see Ryder...smiling at us, laughing at us....watching over his brother. It was spoken "Wyatt will receive a DOUBLE portion, Isaiah 61:7" Wyatt is amazing, he is an amazing little baby...God gave us a gift....we will follow his will.





I couldn't help myself, I had to put all the pictures on here. I could not pick just one. LOL! I had to take a lot just to get those. I still don't know why I tried to do it late at night, he just wasn't in the mood. Oops...I am sure this won't be the last time he doesn't want his mom to take his picture. :)
Wyatt,
0 months...really you are about 2 weeks in this picture. You weigh 5.12 lbs are 19.5 inches long. This is 1/2 an inch longer than when you were born and a little more than a pound less than when you were born. Your dad and I are loving every minute we have with you. Your eyes are getting more and more blue every day. When we are in public people we don't know say you look just like your daddy. When we see people that knew your daddy or I as babies always say..."it's hard to tell who he looks like." Mommy's favorite time to watch you is when I un-swaddle you first thing in the morning...you stretch SO BIG and yawn so cute. Ahhh....:) Daddy loves to come home from school and put you on his chest and take a nap with you.
Wyatt we are so lucky to have you. Words cannot express the joy you bring to our life. We have only been parent's for 3 weeks but I LOVE IT!!!


ONE MONTH





It is unreal how time flies. For so long I have just wanted it to keep going...I feel like I have always had something huge coming up in the future that I was counting down for. (like:college graduation, marriage, jobs, summer...) Now that I have become a mom I wouldn't mind for time to freeze. I wouldn't mind if this never changed...if time stood still...Wyatt could sleep on his daddy's chest forever, if when he was upset his mom had all the answers, he slept in a little bed next to ours, he went EVERY WHERE with us, I had alone time with him every 3 hours...I wouldn't mind it at all.

Instead time is flying by...Wyatt is 1 month old today. It has been one month today and that Mark and I experienced the greatest joy mixed with the worst sadness a person could imagine.

Today Wyatt Mark is one old! He is eating about every 3 hours and sometimes in the night he sleeps for 4 to 4 1/2 hour stretches. I am pretty sure his belly has started bothering him a bit but we are trying to get that under control. Even though he can't talk I am sure his favorite thing to do is sleep on his daddy's chest. (I KNOW it's Mark's favorite)
Wyatt's eyes are getting more and more blue everyday...maybe they will get as blue as Poppies! (we can only hope) On Friday we go to the Dr. for his month check-up. I know for sure he has started packing on the lbs! Breastfeeding is going so well. I joke when I say that if I wasn't breastfeeding I still wouldn't have ever held him. Ha, we have had so many visitors it's hard to get a turn. LOL, he has chubby cheeks now...and I am pretty sure he is about to get a roll on his leg. :) He has been many places with us, we don't hesitate to make trips to Target. Wyatt has smiled a few times (I know he doesn't do it on purpose but it's fun to see it) and he makes some crazy looking faces while he is sleeping. He is still sleeping in a mini-pack and play next to our bed at night. He sometimes takes his naps in there too but he has been sleeping during the day in his bouncer in the living room. We just got our video monitors in the other day so when the time comes the transition may be a little easier. :)
We love him so much it's crazy!!!! He is the greatest!!!

TWO MONTHS

I am really upset with myself after taking these pictures. I have to be honest. I feel like I have been slacking a bit with these monthly pictures and that makes me sad. This month I put the onesie on him and was waiting for the right time to snap a few photos...well...as any mom know if I want a picture in a certain outfit I better do it AS SOON as I put it on. Not even an hour in this outfit and Wyatt had a little accident. :( This picture was snapped on a towel we had to lay him on to change because we were at Maw-Maw and Paw-Paw's house. From 3 months forward I vow to do a better job on the monthly pictures. Ok, now for month 2:
July 2010
Wyatt, mommy weighed you at Cotton Babies because your check up isn't until Aug. 11 and you weighed 10.11 oz. (That's only 3 oz more than Uncle Billy weighed at birth..ha) We don't know how long you are but will find out soon. You are still wearing newborn clothes. The 0-3 months are perfect in length but we could fit at least 2 of you in them. You are sleeping from about 11pm to 5am consistently. Morning is your happiest time. You smiled your first true smile at Uncle Billy at almost exactly 2 months. We have already caught a few on camera! You are still being breastfed for the majority of the time. Also as a family we stayed at Eesie and Poppies house for an entire weekend! You were great! You are now wearing newborn diapers because your waist is still so small, but you do have 2 rolls on your thighs now! :) We have lots of cloth diapers just waiting for you!!! We love you so much more each day we can't even stand it! You are such a joy and we couldn't imagine our life without you!

THREE MONTHS




I know, it's so sad one day my title is "2 months" and the next day it's "3 months." I told myself I was going to do better with these things. Ah!! Well month 3 I did do better taking the pictures but I didn't post on time. Wyatt is on a delayed vaccination schedule so he will have a 3 month appointment at the Dr. :)

Wyatt: We can't wait to see how much you have grown! You are such a great baby. We took a mini vacation this month (your first family vacation) and you started sleeping so well through the night there. You sleep at least7 hours a night now. We have recently stopped giving you your 11pm bottle so you are fed at 8pm and then put to bed...you are waking between 5-6am to eat and then fall back asleep until about 9am. You aren't really much of a napper. :/ You take about three 45 min. ones but you don't seem to mind. You started making sounds with your lips a few days ago. You have laughed out loud too! Maw-Maw got to see it for the first time! :) Wyatt, you are FINALLY wearing 0-3 months clothes!! YAHOOO!!! We have so many cute outfits in this size for you. You are wearing a sz. 1 diaper and we are getting close to running out so that means we will be using our cloth diapers soon! :) You are such a cute boy! Everyone always says you look like a little man. Most say you still look like your daddy and I agree! Mornings are your favorite time, mama's too...you are the best and SO happy! Your daddy and I are so blessed...we love you Wyatt!

Wyatt, you are already 4 months old. I can't believe I can love someone this much...besides your daddy! Ha! You are so precious. I can't stare at you to long without crying. (Crazy...I know) You weighed 13.8 lbs (24th percentile) when we went to the Dr. for your check-up. You were 25 1/2 (67 percentile) inches long too! Your head was in the 16th percentile. Such a long boy! Your daddy wears children's hat so your head may always be a bit smaller...
You are wearing a small diaper. (we use cloth and it's working GREAT) You can no longer wear newborn clothes. You can still wear the 0-3 month onesies but if they are long sleeved then the sleeves are way to short. (We can say thanks again to your daddy's monkey arms) You also wear 3-6 month clothes.
You have started grabbing at objects and you are rolling oer halfway. You don't like your car seat much unless you are sleeping. I am still breastfeeding you and the Dr. recently gave us the go-ahead to start feeding you cereal. :) We haven't tried it yet but we will soon. You really enjoy your exersaucer (sp?) and love to watch lights and fans. Everyday when Daddy walks in the door you smile SO big, it's the greatest thing to watch. You recognize us both...:) Sometime if we are lucky you will fall asleep on our chest like you did when you were really little.
Sleeping has been wonderful! ( I am a BabyWise fan!) You have slept about 8pm-8am for a while now. You did kinda get into a few bad habits for a bit due to your shots. You ran a little fever so you were a little grouchy.

You are more than your daddy and I could have ever asked for. We love you more than words could express...



Wyatt...5 months....wow....please stop growing! You smile all the time. Wyatt you love to be in the middle of the action. You are still sleeping pretty good, the few trips out of town and teeth coming in are trying really hard to throw you off schedule but we won't let that happen now will we?!!? Ha!!! You don't go back to the Dr. until your 6 month check up so we aren't really sure about your weight. :( I measured you the other day and you are about 26 inches long! WOW!!! You are wearing 6 month pants but you still fit into some of your 0-3 month onesies. (The sleeves are a little short though) We are still using cloth diapers and they are working GREAT! We made a trip a few weeks ago where there wasn't a washer and you are wearing a sz. 2 regular diaper. We love to make you laugh out loud, it's the sweetest noise. This month was a REALLY busy one for our family. We had 2 HUGE weddings. You Aunt Erin got married, mama and daddy's friends Malerie & Brent got married too! You also made your first trip to Sam A Baker. You were great! We talked about next year and how you wouldn't stay still...lol! At 5 months you aren't far from rolling over...you roll to your side and stop. You will get it soon! Wyatt, everyday when your daddy comes home you smile SO BIG! I know it makes his day!! We love you so much, words can never describe the feeling it is to be a mama!! Love you my little Mr.!!!!




Wyatt is 6 months 7 months old ALREADY! (Sad to admit I missed the 6 month post, terrible mom) You are getting  big so fast. I know every mom says it but FOR REAL I don't know where the time goes. You are sitting up so well now. You can roll over both ways-left, right, front to back, and back to front. Currently you are rocking on all fours, getting SO CLOSE to crawling!!! You want to be able to follow me from room to room really bad. :) We recently had a little sickness. You never offically got sick but just weren't yourself. You lost a little weight and have stopped eating solids. :( Your mama's milk is all you want...the ped. says that's still good for now. :) You have tried sweet potatos, peas, avacado, carrots. Green beans are next with some apples too! You weigh 17 lbs!!!! You are also a long boy!!! You are still wearing the medium size diapers. Your arms are long so you are wearing 9 month shirts, they are a little baggy in the belly but you are still so cute. Your pants are 6-9 month or 9 month, the 6 months are offically to short. 

Wyatt, you sleep 8-8 most nights and still take 3 naps a day. Your evening nap is getting shorter and shorter though. You are on a pretty tight schedule but it makes for a happy baby and mama! 

Your first Christmas was so fun. You really enjoyed ripping the wrapping paper. You got all sorts of fun toys...including lots of dinos. :) Also you got a 4-wheeler that you actually enjoy sitting on and pushing all the buttons. Ha!!! 






Your daddy and I can hardly remember our lives without you....you are AMAZING!!! Parent's only have their first child once and you really make us proud. 



Wyatt's 8 month post....again....wow....time flies. It really seems just like yesterday he was born. I was pretty upset with myself about not taking actual 6 month and 7 month pictures but then I thought about it....lucky for me 6 months fell about Thanksgiving and month 7 was Christmas. Still not the best but it will have to do.



8 months....






Wyatt 8 months already....both of these pictures represent these days well. You are trying to move so much. You haven't quite starting crawling yet. Rocking, pushing, rolling, and getting into a "track start" position are your ways to move around. Lately you have started pulling up on things. When we get on the floor with you you always pull up and stand hanging on to us.

You made a few trips to the Dr.  this month. ;( In the beginning of the month you began refusing solids. You had only been eating them for about a week, and not even that much. You woke up and decided "NO!" For a few days you just weren't yourself. The Dr. finally said maybe it was acid reflux. A few days with Mylanta and you were good to go. The next week you began cutting your first tooth. HA! Recently you had a really runny nose and a pretty bad cough. We could tell you were really uncomfortable. It started with interfering your sleep and eating. We decided to get you checked out again.  EAR INFRECTION #1 at 8 months old. ;( You were such a good boy though. There was a terrible snow storm and we were stuck inside for a few days and you were pretty fussy but we made it.

While at the Dr. so much we were about to get your weight...17.5 lbs and about 3 weeks ago I measured you at almost 29 inches. Such a growing boy!

Like stated before you are only taking bottles of pump breast milk. It was my goal to make it a year with you...we have almost made it. We have given you some bananas the past few days and you are actually taking a few bites. Hey, something is better than nothing....I have just come to terms with you are probably going to go from breast milk to table food. I don't think I have a problem with it!?!?

Wyatt, your daddy and I love you so much. (and that's an understatement) Our lives are so full with you...we love our little family and the time we get to spend together. You are such a joy. Your smile lights up a room (your screaming will clear one out). When we are out people stop us to look and you....you smile...then they say how cute you are. ;) We love it!!!
Wyatt's 8 month post....again....wow....time flies. It really seems just like yesterday he was born. I was pretty upset with myself about not taking actual 6 month and 7 month pictures but then I thought about it....lucky for me 6 months fell about Thanksgiving and month 7 was Christmas. Still not the best but it will have to do. 
I am so terrible. I hate that I slacked and didn't post 9 month and now 10 month of  Wyatt's life. ;) I guess if this is the worst thing I do as a mother....ha ha ha!!!




Wyatt,

You have been so busy these past 2 months. You are  now pulling up on things and even "dive bombing" from one piece of furniture to the next. I don't know if you will be walking by your 1st b-day but I think it will be really close. Who knows....you may surprise us!?!? It seems so funny someone so small could be walking soon. As of month 9 you are still pretty much on breast milk only. During month 10 we are really pushing the food and offering lots of variety. You are such a picky eater. (I can't believe I am saying that. I always thought I would be that mom that keeps offering and trying different techniques...nope you actually HATE some foods and I believe it with all my heart!)



At your 9 month check up (it was a little late) you weighed 19.2 lbs. (14%), you were 30 inches long (79%) and your head measurement was 18 (69%). You were not sleeping well when we went to the Dr. and found out it was because you had an ear infection. You were showing NO signs of one. ;( Dr. said 2 ear infections in 10 months isn't bad. That's good to know. The weekend before you woke up from a nap with hives and we didn't know why. The Dr. did an ENTIRE allergy panel (which I had to HOLD you down while they drew A LOT of blood, it was awful!) We just found out today you are not allergic to ANYTHING. We are lucky to have such a great pedi. to know at 10 months we should have to worry to much about any allergies-inside, outside, food and even pets. I got the go ahead to begin weening you and starting whole milk. I pray this is an easy transition for you. We are leaving for Disney in 13 days and it would be AMAZING to not have to worry about carrying a pump around! ;) We shall see!






Wyatt-your dad and I love you so much. It's crazy that we actually thought we were busy before we had you. LOL! We love having you around. You are so good at giving kisses, you play the "so big" game and are almost waving bye bye. We love our evening dance partys, sing alongs, and even watching you play rock band with your daddy! (you really play the drums) You are such a great little boy Wyatt Mark Schmitz!!!!








Well 11 months came and went and now Wyatt is almost a year old. I can't believe I am even typing that! We had just gotten back from vacation when Wyatt turned 11 months. (April 30th)
 Wyatt, 4.30.11
     This month you have accomplished so much! This has big the biggest month for you BY FAR!!! You began waving on a consistent basis. You almost do it on command.  You have started to point at things but haven't really perfected it yet. You have been crawling everywhere for a few months now but have started to pull up on everything now too! You can stand alone but don't do this often.
 You have been making many different syllables lately., You know "dada" for sure but we are still working on mama. ;( You can say "baba" for bottle and have also started saying "nini" for bedtime. So sweet......
 You have mastered the "sooo big" game and pretty much roll your eyes when we ask to do it now. LOL! We were a bit behind for your nine month check up and went right before you turned 11 months. You stats were GREAT! At almost 11 months you weigh 19.1 lbs. You are 29 inches long. Tall and skinny....hmmm....I think Poppie's (155 lbs and 6'4....sorry dad....I had to say it) genes may have something to do with that. While we were there we found you had another ear infection (#2) and it was pretty bad! You weren't even showing an signs of it. I got the ok from the Dr. to begin giving you whole milk right before Disney which meant mommy made it! I breastfed you until you went to whole milk and table food. ;)
 We went on our first real family vacation. Disney World is where we went. (Thanks Maw Maw and Paw Paw!) We had a great time as a family. You were the best baby there FOR SURE! ;) You loved having Daddy and mine attention....all of it.....ALL week long. When we got home we had a little adjusting to do. You ate everything in sight. While on vacation we learned you LOVE honeydew and cantaloupe.

Wyatt, you are such a joy to have around! Lots of people say all you do is smile. You do smile a lot but you have your moments too! Due to teeth and ear infections the "sleeping through the night" is really nonexistent in our house. Bummer for sure....it's not to bad through. We will get through it. It's just another phase. Lastly...you have turned into quite the mama's boy too! It's fun but sometimes I just need to get a few things done. I know this also a phase I will be sad when it's gone so I am soaking up all the hugs and kisses I can now. ;)

PS You love to give kisses too!!
Wow...that would pretty much sum up these pictures that were taken for us last weekend. Thanks Brittany...you are great and truly have a gift. ;)

Before I post the pictures I need to give a little background. Some info. for new followers and some for regular readers:
1. It's almost been a year since we lost Ryder...Wyatt's twin...at birth.
2. My mom had bears made from a few of Ryder's blankets. The one in the picture is from his comforter set, Wyatt uses the matching comforter.
3. The tree we are sitting in front of is a tree in Forest Park planted in memory of Ryder. This was a gift from Mark's classmates at Logan. EXTREMELY thoughtful....
4. The pinwheel is something we have kinda created to be "ours." A family representation of Ryder. We have a pinwheel at the grave-site and will have them all throughout Wyatt's b-day party.

Those 4 points...just a few things to keep in mind as you see the pictures. To a stranger they are just cute pictures with fun ideas....to us the are a representation of our family. (Beware:picture overload...way to hard to choose just a few) Hope you ENJOY! ;)






















If you'll wouldn't mind helping me out a bit...when/if you leave a comment could you help me out a bit in ordering a picture canvas? I bought a groupon a few weeks ago for a 16x20 (so not small) ;) and I don't know which picture to choose? A family one? Wyatt one? Cake one? A different one like the shoes? HELP PLEASE!?!?!? Thanks....