Thursday, April 14, 2016

My Story....

We have been singing this song at church on Sunday mornings for a while now.  I fell in love with it the first time I heard it. The words really speak to me... As moms we find ourselves really reminiscing as our children turn older each year. As we come upon Wyatt and Ryder's birthday my prayer has always been for others to see Christ's love through me...and not only by my words but by my daily actions. I have a story, I have a song...and Christ is the one who wrote it. And he did so very carefully....


If I told you my story
You would hear Hope that wouldn't let go
And if I told you my story
You would hear Love that never gave up
And if I told you my story
You would hear Life, but it wasn't mine


If I should speak then let it be
Of the grace that is greater than all my sin
Of when justice was served and where mercy wins
Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in
Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him



If I told you my story
You would hear victory over the enemy
And if I told you my story
You would hear freedom that was won for me
And if I told you my story
You would hear Life overcome the grave




If I should speak then let it be
Of the grace that is greater than all my sin
Of when justice was served and where mercy wins
Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in
Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him




This is my story, this is my song
Praising my savior all the day long
This is my story, this is my song
Praising my savior all the day long





For the grace that is greater than all my sin
Of when justice was served and where mercy wins
Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in





Oh to tell you my story is to tell
Of the grace that is greater than all my sin
Of when justice was served and where mercy wins
Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in
Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him
Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him



This is my story, this is my song
Praising my Savior all the day long



As you read a little bit of "my story" remember that no matter what YOUR story is he wrote it...he is with you every. step. of. the. way....


Mark was in chiropractic school and I was teaching at a small christian school when we found out we were "unexpectedly expecting." We had been married for almost 2 years. We sat in the waiting room at the Dr.s office and were so nervous. We knew the Lord had a plan and we were clinging to that...

We left the Dr. office that day with the news we were having twins! It took some time to set in but we were so excited. I carried the identical twin boys with few complications full term when I went into labor in the middle of the night. 
We checked into the hospital and before I knew it was being rushed to the OR. Mark wasn't allowed in the room with me and I was put completely asleep. I woke up to Mark and the Dr. telling me Ryder was in Heaven and Wyatt was here on Earth with us. Our lives were forever changed.  

No matter whether you know God or don't know God hurt, pain, and sorrow are real things that affect us. The difference is when you know there is a God who loves you "beyond measure" you are able to deal with the pain and sorrow different'y. Not necessarily more easily because it's not easy...for anyone.

It's almost been 5 years since Ryder passed away. There still isn't a day that goes by I don't think about him. To know each time I look at Wyatt there would be another little boy EXACTLY like him here with us makes my heart ache. 
The personal growth I have experienced in 5 years has been tremendous. I was never one to get mad at God or even ask "why" but I was one to be overcome with extreme sadness. There were nights I was awake all night just crying. There were days that I just cried...and cried...and cried. The sadness was deep and had become physically debilitating. I would feel so guilty for being sad. I had Wyatt, a healthy baby boy. Why was I sad? I had crazy thoughts go through my head...even "maybe it would be better if I was with Ryder and Mark was here with Wyatt." I knew those thoughts and even feelings I had were from Satan. 

Mark and I talk freely to each other about our feelings and even talk about Ryder. Both Wyatt and Sloane know they have a brother in Heaven. Ryder is our son, their brother, and we know one day we will all be together again but...until then...it's my job/our job to make it evident to others around that we serve an awesome God. Struggle is real, we all have it. If I wouldn't have God to lean on in that incredibility dark time, if I didn't have a God that loved me through the hard times and not only loved me but loved me "beyond measure" I wouldn't be here on this screen today. 

This May will mark 5 years and this is the first time I have ever "talked" about Ryder publicly. Like I said the growth I have experienced in five years is tremendous. I have learned things about myself, my husband, family, and even friends that I don't think I would have if I had not gone through this loss. The Lord has been dealing with my heart for about a year now. It has been one of those things where you kinda battle with him..like "I can't do that" he says" yes, you can" "no, I can't" when finally he spoke to me and laid on my hear 1. I wound't actually be doing it. HE would. HE wrote this story, I just need to tell it. and 2. the struggle is real, young mom, wife, etc. we all feel struggle for various reason and if by me sharing helps one person, just one person it was totally worth it. After all we will never truly understand exactly why things happen to us we just have to realize we aren't in control and we serve a mighty God, he is a God of comfort and peace. He is in control and he loves us ALL beyond measure! 




10 comments:

  1. Wow, this is heartbreaking. I am not a Mom, but the pain of loosing your child that you carried for 9 months along with his twin brother is something that will always be with you. I admire your willingness to talk about this in a public forum and maybe help others who have been through something similar. Prayers and love to your sweet family!

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  2. What an incredibly beautiful post. May God continue to bless you and your family.

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  3. Beautiful post and what a special story. I love that song too. I remember that May day very well, you guys are in my thoughts and prayers!

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  4. This is a beautiful story, and I love the way you told it. Thank you for sharing your heart!

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  5. I've been reading your blog a long time and have never commented before. Just wanted you to know that your growth is evident even to those who don't know you. You should be very, very proud of yourself - I'm sure your husband and children are.

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  6. Boy does your love for the Lord shine :) What a ways you have come from such a heart breaking time!

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  7. Great list! Q-tips is a great idea!!

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  8. I am in tears....thank you for sharing your bruti-ful story. I admire your strength, courage & trust in God. I share a birthday with Wyatt & Ryder....I was also born on May 30th.
    Xoxo.

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  9. Beautiful story! The last picture gave me goosebumps.

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I always love what you'll have to say...thanks for stopping by!

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