It's like I am clinging to 2014...Mark and I were talking the other day but this "fresh start." It's interesting to me how I don't look forward to a "new year." I think with my personality I would enjoy the start over, fresh, new, etc. but I can't get through/over the fact another year has passed. I am sure once all women become mothers we say the same thing, "I can't believe how time flies." I truly don't think time can move any faster than the first 5 years of your child's life. Though I am sure others would differ...
2015 will mark 5 years...5 years of living on this Earth without Ryder. That's a tough sentence to swallow. 1 was tough, 2,3,4,...but 5....5 just seems like a "big one." There are still days just as bad as day #1. There are also days were I look at where we are today and feel encouraged that we have made it. We smile, cry, laugh, and STILL THINK ABOUT HIM EVERY DAY.
I have many goals for 2015 but am trying not to carry this terrible feeling of "year five" with my each day. Am I praying? Yes. Do I trust the Lord? Yes. Do I know to turn to Him? Yes. Do I know others remember him too? Yes. It. still. hurts.....yes.
So...as others are ready for a whole new fresh start....bear with me as I seem to be taking a little bit to get settled in this "new year."