Friday, August 30, 2013

Letting go...

Since we are nearing the month of October I find myself thinking about Ryder more often. I know it sounds weird and even though there isn't a day that goes by as October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day I guess it's just a little closer to the surface. There are quite a few reminders around for people who have lost a child around this time. 

Before losing Ryder I found myself wondering why a person would want a "constant reminder" of something so terrible. Yes, I am pretty sure those words came out of my mouth. I am ashamed....
I have read so many wonderful testimony's and have slowly found some comforting to read the growth and amazing healing the Lord has done in their lives after losing a child. 

Ryder is a part of this family. As he isn't here physically everyday with us I know some of my hard feelings or even hesitation to do certain things comes with the fear that I am leaving him out or forgetting about him. I recently read about Jess at The Macs Blog and she says it so perfect: 

"You guys, the Lord has done a mighty healing work in my life. As I look back to that day when I let go of my Cora for the first time I am just in awe of God’s sustaining and sufficient grace in my life over the past four years. He truly has brought me out of a pit, set my feet on a rock, and given me a firm place to stand. He’s put a new song in my mouth and I praise Him for His redeeming work in my life (Psalm 40:1-3). But grief is a funny thing. It is a constant letting go and handing the “what ifs” back over to God. I’m not sure how it has been for other grieving mamas, but as Cora’s birthday approaches each year it seems like I have to struggle through letting go again. I let go of a longing to know Cora as a three year old or four year old or now five year old. And today just seems like another step of letting go. Letting go of knowing what it would have been like to send my baby off to school for the first time. Letting go of wondering if she would be running into the classroom or hiding behind my legs, if she would be a leader or a follower, who her little friends would be, and seeing her precious name written around the classroom instead of on a gravestone.

It is hard for me to let go. I just want to cry and kick and scream and hang on…and I can’t.

Letting go is not easy. But it has been such a good reminder for me to cling to the One who never lets go of me. The One who is always with me no matter what is happening in my life. It is so easy to find comfort and security in the things of this world, even in our families. I find myself trying to cling to those unstable and changing securities instead of clinging to Jesus at all times. Our plans and dreams don’t always turn out quite like we had planned. And often we have to let go of our plans and dreams all together and trust God with His good and perfect plan for our lives.

I find great comfort in the One secure thing in my life, Jesus.

Knowing Jesus as my Refuge, my Shelter, my Rock, and my Anchor has given me the freedom to slowly let go of gripping grief, hand my heartache and fears over to Him, allow Him to meet me in the midst of my sorrow and sing the new song He has given to me."

After reading this and thinking about it there are many different situations that come to mind. The "letting go" part can really be anything in a person's life. It doesn't have to be just the loss of someone. Change isn't fun...well, most change isn't fun. When someone likes where they are or what they have letting go is soooo hard. I find myself like Jess "wanting to cry and kick and scream and hang on" to whatever "it" is.

Is there something YOU are hanging onto and don't want to let go? Is the Lord calling you asking you to let go? Do you need to trust God with HIS plan for your life....?

1 comment:

  1. I truly needed this blog today. I find myself all the time thinkiing and wondering what Jacob would be like as a now 2 year old.Our family is so blessed to have Easton and enjoy each day with him. Along with our older two children. But my heart still longs to see Jacob and what he would be like now. Thanks for sharing.


I always love what you'll have to say...thanks for stopping by!

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