Friday, August 2, 2013

In my head lately...

*This is a blah post just FYI. It's feelings I want to personally remember and have documented in the blog book so feel free to skip. ;) 

Do you ever have those days where by 8am you think it would be best to just go back to bed and start over?!?!? Well, July was one of those months for me. I just couldn't kick it. ;( It sucked actually and I don't usually say that word. It's like a bad feeling I just couldn't shake. Our stove top was shattered, our ac is leaking, the drying isn't working, and sadly enough the list goes on...

I feel like we work hard to only be working ourselves into a circle. It never ends. During this time I have really enjoyed reading blogs. It's been my "outlet," if you will. Regarding certain areas of struggle I have found so much encouragement from a few specific posts.

A few days ago Ashley talked about how she is thankful for "pruning." She writes about John 15 and the "idea that when Jesus loves us and when we are abiding in Him, He will not allow us live with sin in our lives. He “prunes” us, the original definition meaning He cleanses us of filth and impurity." Ashley uses the an analogy of her daughter and a splinter. The getting worse and having it painfully removed before it starts feeling better. I found myself nodding my head through then entire post. At this time I feel like God is stripping me of so much. So many feelings, fears, and just stuff...to get me to a better place, to be able to "bear much fruit." Take a second and read John 15. 

I know I have things the Lord is working on. I have been trying to make time for him each day. I wish I could say I have been getting up before the kids and sitting with my coffee reading the Bible but that wouldn't  be true. I wish it was, it's just not that season of my life. I would have to sleep to actually wake up before my kids but they are my 6am alarm clock. ;/ I believe in quiet time with the Lord but also think it's important to for the little's to see me reading my Bible. There were many times growing up I woke up and headed to the kitchen to see both my parent's reading their Bible. Situations don't allow me to really see that anymore but my mom carries her Bible everywhere with her. She lives it...like really lives it. I guess you could say I learned from the best.

Another post I read was Natasha's post about Life Lesson's. Her birthday was a bit ago and so she created a list of 30 life lessons. (Great idea, something I think I will post for my b-day.) Some of her lessons were serious and some were fun. There were some that I really needed to hear. One in particular was: 

"You change and so does your circle of friends. People come and go in and out of our lives and that's life. I have come to realize I would rather have a small, close group of girls who have the same interests/beliefs/values than a bunch of "acquaintances" I can't really relate to. Remember, friendships are a two-way street and both must give equally."

This just really hit home. I am not a person who feels comfortable in a large crowd and have always had a few close friends rather than a large number of acquaintance.  I know as we grow older, life changes, and people change, but I think it says a lot about a person who has life long friends. A person who continues to be a friend forever and not just when it works for them.

As this summer comes to an end Wyatt will begin preschool. I know I will look back and laugh how I thought it was a big deal and such but right now it's where we are and it's big. ;) Mostly for me it just means growth...happy growth, not sad growth. I am trying to reflect on the growth as it's growth for ALL. I have always tried to be a mom who encourages my children to be comfortable in social settings (within moderation). I have not catered to their insecurities but tried to help guide them when fear tries to grip them. I have my "issues" and I under no circumstances want my children to deal with or see me dealing with any of them. With that said I will be and am a "real" person. What you see is what you get....I wear my feelings on my sleeve. Sometimes this is good and sometimes this is bad, either way it's me. Behind closed doors I am the same person I was when I was with "you" just hours before.

Growth-It will be growth for Sis as she has a bit of time as an "only" without her brother. She adores him and does everything he does, well tries anyway. I am looking forward to seeing her little personality shine without him, maybe. Growth for Buddy as he has never actually been away from me/us in a school setting. I think it will be great for him but it will be change and he isn't really the best at change. (Hmmmm....remember when I said I didn't want my issues to be passed to them. Ya, that's one of them.) Once he gets a routine he always does amazing...it's just getting the routine established. Growth for me, well because I will have to let someone else "teach" my child. Ha! As a former teacher and someone who have a Bachelor degree in education the outlook completely changes when it's actually your child. It will be interesting to say the least.

So...with all that said bring on the new month, after all August is my b-day month! Bring on school, fall, and a little bit of change. It never hurt anyone too bad right?!?!?!?

I pray if you read this and are struggling or going though change you found this helpful. It's simply my thoughts and parts of what I want to remember and grow from...;)

1 comment:

  1. There are so many things I could respond to in the post. Mostly, an Amen to one thing or another. But, also, my precious firstborn, you are realizing slowly that life is a journey, struggles and joys from day to day. Some big, some not so big but everyday closer to the One who created you to be who you are. It's a process and I love watching you learn even as an adult child. All my love to you. Mom

    ReplyDelete

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