Tuesday, April 16, 2013

The pain

Recently we attended a BBQ at our friends house. There was a small group of people there and we had a great time! One of the people in attendance has recently experienced a loss, like a HUGE loss. He lost his brother, who was in the military. I don't know details and they don't matter. It was during some sort of military training. He left behind 2 young children much like ours and a wife, not to mention his family. This is a "well known"  family in the town where I grew up. We were involved in sports, school, etc. with them. It's so close to home! It hurts my heart so bad. Actually "so bad" doesn't describe the feeling. 

We had a great time at the BBQ but about 8:30 the kids were ready for bed. We said our goodbyes and loaded up the car for the 2 min. drive home. Both kids feel asleep and we put them in bed. We unloaded the car and by the time Mark and I sat down on the couch I was physically sick. My stomach, my head, and just my body in general hurt. I knew it was from being around a person who was grieving, grieving the loss of a loved one so dear to his heart. It hurt me. I started talking about it to Mark and just couldn't even talk...I had to just go to bed. I didn't sleep well and every time I woke I just prayed....that's all I knew to do....just pray.

The pain...it's not just an emotional pain. It's not just a "I can't imagine" pain, it's a real physical pain. My heart hurts SO BAD for the family. They all know the Lord has is relying on him SO much during this time but it still hurts. 

Then it hit me...did people feel like this when they were/are around us? (because of the loss of Ryder) It hurt, I pray no one felt that pain. I was talking to Kelley about it the next day and her words were so right. She talked about how she has felt with the loss as well but about how it's different. She talked about how people did feel certain feelings when they were around Mark and I (gotta love best friends) but she said something that was so true....

She said she believes the sadness, the grief, the pain, we feel for someone who loses someone so close is because we have felt THAT pain. Though it's NOT the same situation it's still a loss, it's still grief, it still HURTS! Kelley always has the right words for me. She made me feel not so insecure about the way I felt when I was around this situation and also helped me to know not everyone had those feelings when we were grieving. 

This post may seem a bit of a ramble to some but I want to document this time. I want to look back and really remember this step. I feel like it is a step in the right direction. The mother that is grieving the loss of her son posted this on FB the other day...

"They say that 'time heals all things' but that isn't true. God heals all things! The farther down this road we travel without *****, the more we realize that Jesus is the one who is always there for us, who takes our burdens on Himself and carries us through the hardest moments. "

It's exactly what I needed to read. It's not time at all...time doesn't do anything at all. It's God, he heals ALL things...IN HIS TIMING. Healing/grief isn't gone over night. The loss of a loved one isn't something someone "gets over," much against what some believe. 

Those who live the loss live it forever...it will never go away. We just learn how to accept the loss. We learn how to live with the loss. It's an EVERYDAY thing. As much as some think they know or even say they know...they don't. We still hurt almost 3 years later. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about the moments Ryder was in my arms. The moments he was here on Earth with his brother Wyatt...there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wonder about him....

But with that said...there isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank God he is with us. I don't get angry...I know....

"Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, All fear is gone!
Because I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living just because He lives!"

1 comment:

  1. Emily, even though I can't know what you've gone through because I haven't had a loss like that, I'm so glad you take time to write about it on your blog. I know your words are just what someone out there needs to hear too! Thank you for sharing your heart.


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