Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Not what I thought

I have to make a conscious effort to sit. I mean like actually sit down and relax. I don't do it. I wish I did...I have to plan time in my head to play with Wyatt. I know it's bad-I hate it! I hate that I can't just push the small stuff aside and focus on more important things like playing with Wyatt and holding my baby girl. Sometimes I know I am just afraid to "stop" I am afraid of where my mind will wonder to. This time with Sloane brings back so many memories, memories that are still so so raw. I so badly want to cherish this time with her as I know I didn't with Wyatt because of grief and pain. I wish I would have just sat and stared...just held him with not a care about anything else and soaked up all the "baby" that I could. But I didn't, the time of baby Wyatt has come and gone. He is a toddler, a BUSY toddler. He is a big brother. The best big brother Sloane could ever ask for! It's crazy how much love you can see in his eyes for her and he isn't even 2 yet. (I know it sounds weird but it's so true!) I can "wish" all I want but I can't turn back time. I know the Devil will attack when I am weak. I am trying to remain strong. If I could give advice to any soon-to-be moms it would be to cherish the baby times. Don't worry about the dishes, laundry, or even keeping the house spotless TRY SO HARD to ENJOY your baby. Cherish that time and take pictures in your head that will never be erased. You will appreciate them so much.

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