Sunday, June 5, 2011

June 5th, 2010: The worst day of my life

It's been exactly a year ago today that we laid Ryder to rest...we had a small ceremony at the grave site with just our immediate family. Pastor Steve (the same man who married us) did the ceremony. He did a great job. Mark and I have said we want Wyatt to always have a great b-day. We don't want to be sad on his special day so today is the day we deemed it "ok" to be sad. It's hard...I can remember the entire thing like it was yesterday. I have a pit in my stomach thinking about how I was feeling then. I remember Mark and I loading the car to hear to the cemetery...I remember thinking "this is NOT how my life was supposed to be." I should not be riding with my husband at age 25 with a baby in the back on the way to bury our other child. I didn't know the amount of growth I would have over the next year. I didn't have any clue the feelings I would have. Mark and I didn't have a clue what it would do for our relationship. What we did know was God had a plan. We are still living out his plan....June 5th FOREVER changed my life.

I read a blog post the other day and it really it home, I want to share the words of wisdom Lots of Scotts said. It was an important reminder that no matter how terrible we think our life is that God has a plan and a purpose and we should be thankful we have that to hang on to:

"Somethings that seem so dreadful and scary simply can become part of your journey. None of us are perfectly healthy.  None of our relationships are flawless. None of our lives are without challenges. We can allow ourselves to become paralyzed with fear, dwell (or wallow) on the parts of our lives that are broken or we can keep moving forward, accepting them as a part of where our lives have fallen and look for ways to seek God through them and glorify him as we go. It really is a choice."

I choose happiness and  joy. I choose thankfulness. I choose faith.

"Reflect on your present blessings of which everyone has many, not on your past misfortunes of which all have some." -Charles Dickens 


  1. Thinking of you on this day! Sending hugs and prayers of comfort your way.

  2. You have an amazing perspective on such a tragic situation. I know that that could only come from Christ, and you do such a great job of pointing people to Him through your grief. I can't begin to imagine how hard this day must be, but I will keep you in my prayers.

  3. I agree with the previous commenter 110%! lot of hugs and prayers your way!


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