Thursday, January 21, 2010

Yikes!

As you'll know I am a follower of the Multiples and More Blog. Today there was a mother of twins that posted this...it was to funny not to pass on. I laughed out loud...then was quickly reminded that will be Mark and I in less than 6 months...AHHH!!!! Happy Reading...

"How you know your ready for a baby ( or better yet TWNS)
Mess Test:
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

Toy Test:
Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).

Grocery Store Test:
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

Dressing Test:
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag, making sure that all arms stay inside.

Feeding Test:
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as fruit loops or cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

Sleep Test:
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up ad make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

Physical Test (Women):
Obtain a large bean-bag chair, and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10% of the beans.

Physical Test (Men):
Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

Final Assignment:
Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and the child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to runriot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.
"

2 comments:

  1. That is hysterical! Our neighbors used to go to the grocery store and hit the cereal isle first. They would open a box of Cheerios's and let their kids eat them throughout the store (they had 3 super close in age). They were super quiet, but left a trail where ever they went!

    ReplyDelete

I always love what you'll have to say...thanks for stopping by!

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